Flashes of me

I can't sleep. But I feel the urge to write, so I am. :))

Yeah, it isn't really a very good excuse. I actually do need sleep considering what's bewen going on the past 3 weeks. And no, I did NOT take Extra Joss (you know who you people are). The rumor that I don't sleep enough (well, it's not a rumor because it's true, but stiiill, not everyone's supposed to know... Damn it naman Ms. Gajo! >_<) has spread around the faculty room, 2-A, and my own orgs ENOUGH. :D :D :D

(On a related note: No, not even coffee, or Red Bull, or Bacchus, or I-on, or Lipovitan! I haven't even taken a single glass of water since I got home)

It's been such a long time since I wrote a serious entry on my LJ. I remember how much I used to do that before when I was starting this out. But I stopped. And I don't know why. But here I am again anyway. It's weird, really. I don't know if I'm making much sense. It's like writing drunk ^^ I'm just going to yammer 'til I fall asleep.

I just remember a time when I used to be so quiet. I doubt anyone would recall, unless you were from LSGH in Grades 1 to 4 and knew me, or you were in 5-Intramuros. I used to brood a lot, and just think. Yeah, I'd sit in a corner, or space out in class, or sit in the park, and just look up at the sky (or whatever was up), and just think. To the point that I was even a bit of a loner.

Then something happened to me, and I became, well, noisy. VERY noisy. Maybe if people were forced to think about me now, words they would associate with me would probably include talkative, loud, noisy, or hyper. 7 or 8 years ago, it would've been quiet, unnerving, brooding or psychopath. When I go out into the world, most people would probably see me as this guy who a) never shuts up, b) never stops cracking jokes (even when people don't laugh anymore), c) never stops singing, or d) all of the above. I bet no one would've ever thought I would turn out this way.

But that other side of me still exists. A few have seen it, I'm sure. Yes, I am capable of shutting up for extended periods of time. I can be serious. Dead serious. Serious to the point that it can become uncomfortable for some people. Yeah, this is when all the thoughts unleash themselves, and people see a part of who I really am. The intrapersonal side of me, as the MI test calls it.

Thing is, I actually miss the quiet, and just thinking. (Note: I do NOT miss being a loner. THAT was just sad.) Maybe it's because I've been around too much noise and pressure. Or maybe I generate my own noise. I rarely have time for myself (which is why I love this sembreak), to do things I want to do. No, I do not want to lock myself up in a room somewhere and just keep quiet. It's just that sometimes, I can't help but miss those times when I could just brood about the meaning of life and not worry about the next thing scheduled on my planner.

Heck, I don't even think that what I do is the real reason behind me feeling this way, because hey, I'm loving it, even with its pressures and difficulties (hello, me wanting to party all week? That's hardly quiet). Maybe it's just because I don't do it as much anymore, what with all of the things I have to be concerned about (Screw academics? Screw SC? Screw debate? Screw parties?Preposterous!). Or if I do, it's always interrupted.

It's just that this other side of me wants to let itself out and make itself known to the world somehow. Yeah, maybe I need someone else who can talk to me at this level. Someone who can engage me in a serious discussion and still be comfortable. Someone who can relate with the weird things that can go inside my head and relate it to what happens in our lives. Someone who can talk to me about anything other than the usual things, and just get drowned in it. I miss having those types of conversations. Yeah, it's really different from the guy I think everyone sees: happy-go-lucky, energetic, never serious. Call it whatever, but I'm a paradox of sorts. Quiet and seriousness are two things I value as well.

It's the dormant part of me. But don't get me wrong; I am who you see as well. :)

It's a result of having no time for yourself, and having no time to spend with others at the same time, probably. But either way, it's really been a long time since I've talked to anyone on such a level. And I kinda miss it, really. :)

Haaay, guilty pleasures.

Ewww, that sounded wrong.

But I guess anyone who wants to brood or talk about philosophy or shit can come talk to me! :))

Yeah, and take a little peek of the other side. :)

P.S. Theresa, baka kasi nanood tayo ng City of Angels. Yan tuloy! Oh well. :))